Happy, Healthy Docs

Anger Mangement Video - A Holiday Gift

I'd like to wish you peaceful and joyous holidays, and most of all a relaxing break from work.  Make time for self-care, connecting with others, and for quiet introspection as you enter the new year.

My gift to you is a new video, "Anger Management Guided Introspection."  With the stress of the holidays, the economy, and patients - tempers can flare - often at the most inopportune time. And perhaps your anger gets the best of you more often than you'd like.  Or you know someone else like that.  This short video on Youtube, using a sample new coaching technique (see next paragraph), offers a simple way to better handle anger.  Find 10 quiet, private minutes and try this guided meditative process that helps you get to what's underneath your anger so you can better manage it and not let it control you. 

And by the way, thanks for your support this year by attending or scheduling my seminars, and/or reading my blog.  I have great new things in store for 2010 (including 2 newly healing ankles, thank God) - a website and new company name (referred to in the video), new seminars, and a new service, Visionary Leadership Coaching.  I look forward to seeing you and working together again soon, or meeting you for the first time, in 2010.  Have a happy and healthy new year!

The Importance of Social Connections During Stress and Crisis

A month ago, after feeling exhausted and tired, I gave a seminar on Fatigue to the orthopedics department at a NY hospital.  Walking back to my car, I tripped and fell and broke one ankle and sprained the other.  In the ER of that hospital, an orthopedics resident beamed a big smile at me on my gurney.  "Do I know you??" I asked.  He said, "Yes, I was just in your lecture!" The ironies here are rather amusing.  The way my ankles still feel is not.  The biggest thing that's gotten me through this is the support of old and new friends and family.  Of course this is what people always say when they get sick.  But I've really gotten this point on a visceral level since my accident.

I'm a bit of a loner, with a few close friends and a small family.  So it's been tough to reach out for help.  One of the main points I teach in my Stress Management seminars is the need to have a social support group, and to talk to these people regularly.  My seminar and coaching business had reached a point of my working very long days, and isolating from those close to me because "I didn't have the time."  Now I have nothing but time, and I've been forced to ask for their help.  A humbling experience to say the least!  Being the independent creature I am, I've had to get past my fears of truly admitting my vulnerability, of really letting people help me, and of having to deal with the painful rejection of those unable or unwilling to help.  And at the same time, I've made wonderful connections with new people and solidified my relationships with family I haven't spoken to in months.  A close aunt of mine also recently died, which has also brought me closer to my family.

I write this because as with most people, I know how easy it is to forget about the people that matter to me, and to get caught up in my work.  The universe had other ideas for me, and literally knocked me off my feet.  I've had weeks to re-evaluate my life.  As a result I made 2 commitments: to work fewer hours, and to connect with at least one other human being each day.  This is my plan not only during this crisis, but from now on, even if it's only for a few minutes.  In the end it really is the people in our lives who matter the most.  Being successful and lonely doesn't cut it.  I'm grateful for having learned this lesson from this accident, which was no accident at all.  It was a wake-up call for me to do things differently.  And I'm so grateful for the people who've come aboard this journey with me.

 

Congress Gets Serious About Stress and Mindfulness

Listen to this inspiring YOUTUBE video I found regarding mindfulness. In a Congressional hearing, Rep. Tim Ryan (D-OH) asks Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius about stress reduction via mindfulness, and how it can help our nation.  What's this about?

Stress management requires being mindful, or self aware in a given moment.  For example, if I'm feeling strong anger, rather than reacting and yelling, I might ask, "What am I feeling right now?  What's going on in my body?"  I might answer, "I'm really feeling hurt under the anger, and my heart is pounding."  So to slow the pounding and feel the hurt rather than yell, I breathe deeply for 10 minutes.  Being mindful helped me create a workable stress management strategy.  Now I'm calmer, I feel better physically, and I prevented an argument.   

Mindfulness meditation is an excellent tool to learn self-awareness - and to manage stress.  It helps with anger management, reducing violence, ameliorating pain, curbing compulsive/addictive behaviors, and more - areas now getting national attention.  So next time I'm upset and want to soothe myself with a donut, I might instead become aware that I'm really feeling disappointed and take a walk instead.

To do it:  Sit quietly.  Close your eyes.  Take deep breaths.  Become aware of your breath, your emotions, your body, by asking, "How am I experiencing myself?" For example, ask, "What emotion am I feeling right now?"  Or, "Where is there tension in my body?"  Then sit with that awareness.  Ask again:  "What emotion am I feeling now?"  A new one may rise up into your awareness.  Do this for 5-10 minutes. 

With practice you'll really get to know yourself well.  Becoming aware of your emotions is important, especially if this is difficult for you.  Why is it important?  Until you know how you truly feel about something, you won't change it.  Emotion is a much better motivator than denial. 

Stress Management: Relax and Trust You'll Get What You Need

I'd like to share a stressful personal experience that ended up better than I could have imagined - a common life occurrence.  A not often discussed Stress Management tool when difficulties arise, is to fully feel your emotions, then let go of control and trust things to work out.  Be open to all possibilities, and know you'll get what you need.  As a friend said about my "cashew butter" story, we're not forgotten in any moment. 

 

So - I went to Trader Joe's to find out they no longer sell Cashew Butter (it was the cheapest place to buy it).  This is one of my favorite foods.  I was INFURIATED, and completely blown away.  I couldn't get over this, for hours!  What a loss!  (This was big, as I have food allergies and a limited diet to begin with.)  

 

In the aisle at that moment, I heard a voice ask, "Do you have a food processor?"  I turned around to see a man who looks like my superintendent's double.  I said, "Yes, why?"  He said, "I make my own cashew butter.  Just put in a little oil and it comes out fine."  I said, "Do you use roasted or raw nuts?"  He said, "Roasted."  So I went up the aisle and bought 2 1-lb. bags of roasted cashew pieces.

 

I got home and whipped out my food processor.  I threw in a bag of the cashews, processed, and Voila!!  Cashew butter!!  That tastes good!  And I didn't even have to add the oil.  I was amazed!  And the one bag, at $3.99, filled an old 1-lb. cashew butter jar that would have cost me $4.49 (at Trader Joe's vs. at least $7 in any other store).  So now I was no longer infuriated.  I felt grateful, happy, proud of my new talent, and thrilled that man (who is not actually my super's brother) was standing there at that exact moment in Trader Joe's.  

 

This was no coincidence.  The universe conspired to create these exact circumstances - no one could have planned it better.  So I went from fury, to shock, to curiosity, to determination and to gratitude and relaxation in a few hours, and went to sleep knowing I had been well taken care of.  And if you look in your own life, you'll find similar circumstances.  There really is a silver lining in every cloud.  You just have to trust it will reveal itself.  So if you have such stories, or good recipes for nut butters, please share them in a comment below!