Happy, Healthy Docs

Anger Mangement Video - A Holiday Gift

I'd like to wish you peaceful and joyous holidays, and most of all a relaxing break from work.  Make time for self-care, connecting with others, and for quiet introspection as you enter the new year.

My gift to you is a new video, "Anger Management Guided Introspection."  With the stress of the holidays, the economy, and patients - tempers can flare - often at the most inopportune time. And perhaps your anger gets the best of you more often than you'd like.  Or you know someone else like that.  This short video on Youtube, using a sample new coaching technique (see next paragraph), offers a simple way to better handle anger.  Find 10 quiet, private minutes and try this guided meditative process that helps you get to what's underneath your anger so you can better manage it and not let it control you. 

And by the way, thanks for your support this year by attending or scheduling my seminars, and/or reading my blog.  I have great new things in store for 2010 (including 2 newly healing ankles, thank God) - a website and new company name (referred to in the video), new seminars, and a new service, Visionary Leadership Coaching.  I look forward to seeing you and working together again soon, or meeting you for the first time, in 2010.  Have a happy and healthy new year!

Congress Gets Serious About Stress and Mindfulness

Listen to this inspiring YOUTUBE video I found regarding mindfulness. In a Congressional hearing, Rep. Tim Ryan (D-OH) asks Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius about stress reduction via mindfulness, and how it can help our nation.  What's this about?

Stress management requires being mindful, or self aware in a given moment.  For example, if I'm feeling strong anger, rather than reacting and yelling, I might ask, "What am I feeling right now?  What's going on in my body?"  I might answer, "I'm really feeling hurt under the anger, and my heart is pounding."  So to slow the pounding and feel the hurt rather than yell, I breathe deeply for 10 minutes.  Being mindful helped me create a workable stress management strategy.  Now I'm calmer, I feel better physically, and I prevented an argument.   

Mindfulness meditation is an excellent tool to learn self-awareness - and to manage stress.  It helps with anger management, reducing violence, ameliorating pain, curbing compulsive/addictive behaviors, and more - areas now getting national attention.  So next time I'm upset and want to soothe myself with a donut, I might instead become aware that I'm really feeling disappointed and take a walk instead.

To do it:  Sit quietly.  Close your eyes.  Take deep breaths.  Become aware of your breath, your emotions, your body, by asking, "How am I experiencing myself?" For example, ask, "What emotion am I feeling right now?"  Or, "Where is there tension in my body?"  Then sit with that awareness.  Ask again:  "What emotion am I feeling now?"  A new one may rise up into your awareness.  Do this for 5-10 minutes. 

With practice you'll really get to know yourself well.  Becoming aware of your emotions is important, especially if this is difficult for you.  Why is it important?  Until you know how you truly feel about something, you won't change it.  Emotion is a much better motivator than denial. 

Stress Management: Relax and Trust You'll Get What You Need

I'd like to share a stressful personal experience that ended up better than I could have imagined - a common life occurrence.  A not often discussed Stress Management tool when difficulties arise, is to fully feel your emotions, then let go of control and trust things to work out.  Be open to all possibilities, and know you'll get what you need.  As a friend said about my "cashew butter" story, we're not forgotten in any moment. 

 

So - I went to Trader Joe's to find out they no longer sell Cashew Butter (it was the cheapest place to buy it).  This is one of my favorite foods.  I was INFURIATED, and completely blown away.  I couldn't get over this, for hours!  What a loss!  (This was big, as I have food allergies and a limited diet to begin with.)  

 

In the aisle at that moment, I heard a voice ask, "Do you have a food processor?"  I turned around to see a man who looks like my superintendent's double.  I said, "Yes, why?"  He said, "I make my own cashew butter.  Just put in a little oil and it comes out fine."  I said, "Do you use roasted or raw nuts?"  He said, "Roasted."  So I went up the aisle and bought 2 1-lb. bags of roasted cashew pieces.

 

I got home and whipped out my food processor.  I threw in a bag of the cashews, processed, and Voila!!  Cashew butter!!  That tastes good!  And I didn't even have to add the oil.  I was amazed!  And the one bag, at $3.99, filled an old 1-lb. cashew butter jar that would have cost me $4.49 (at Trader Joe's vs. at least $7 in any other store).  So now I was no longer infuriated.  I felt grateful, happy, proud of my new talent, and thrilled that man (who is not actually my super's brother) was standing there at that exact moment in Trader Joe's.  

 

This was no coincidence.  The universe conspired to create these exact circumstances - no one could have planned it better.  So I went from fury, to shock, to curiosity, to determination and to gratitude and relaxation in a few hours, and went to sleep knowing I had been well taken care of.  And if you look in your own life, you'll find similar circumstances.  There really is a silver lining in every cloud.  You just have to trust it will reveal itself.  So if you have such stories, or good recipes for nut butters, please share them in a comment below! 

Learn to Reverse Negative Behaviors in a NO-COST STRESS MANAGEMENT Phone Seminar 2/17/09

 Are you stressed out because you have not very useful behaviors you'd like to change but can't?  Do you get easily angered and yell?  Are you disorganized?  Do you procrastinate, overeat, smoke, etc.?  Everyone has something.  So why don't we change?  One reason is we believe we can't.  You might find yourself thinking, "It's too hard, too much work, takes too much time, I'm not capable of changing that, I don't know how, I've tried and it didn't work, etc."  Most of us unconsciously think these thoughts all the time.  What we don't realize is that they drive our behaviors and keep us stuck in the negative ones.

A trick to changing behaviors is to bring to conscious awareness the UNDERLYING BELIEFS we have about not being able to change them, and to replace them with beliefs that work.  To help you see this in action, I'm offering a FREE TELEPHONE SEMINAR tonight from 8-8:45 pm EST.  I'll do a GUIDED RELAXATION EXERCISE to help you work on your particular problem.  You call in from the comfort of your home or office.  CLICK HERE TO REGISTER.  This session will also provide a sample of what we'll do in the Meditation and Relaxation Training Phone Seminars (DESCRIPTION) on 2/19, 2/26 and 3/5/09 from 7-8am or 8-9 pm.  Read more about that in the post below, which also tells you how to enroll in the 3 session series. 

Stress Management for Valentine's Day - A Gift of Relaxation

In these scary economic times, it's easy to blow up at those we love.  Fear and feeling out of control can be all-consuming, and can wreak havoc in our relationships.

While you can't control the economy, you can control your reactions to it - with meditation and deep breathing exercises.  These improve communication.  You start conversations from a calmer place, more aware of your feelings.  I was touched by a quote in the "Mutts" comic in today's Newsday by Heather Cortez:  "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."  Stress - about money, work or anything else - can erode any relationship, personal or professional.

  To help, consider giving the gift of relaxation - to yourself, for Valentine's Day, a birthday.  I'm offering a 3-week Meditation and Relaxation Training Telephone Seminar Series (description) on 2/19, 2/26 and 3/5/09 at 2 times:  7-8 am or 8-9 pm.  You attend from the comfort of your home or office, and the ongoing weekly support will motivate you to practice.  To enroll, click on "Register" and "pay" in this sentence, or by clicking on the 2 links under "Meditation Classes" under my photo (left).   

Meditation and deep relaxation soothe the soul, and provide a sense that all will be OK, at least for now.  Done regularly, that reassurance - especially nowadays - can feel like a million bucks.  Ask me, I know.  

Meditation Phone Conference Seminars

In an attempt to join the technologically savvy, I've designed a new seminar series on my favorite topic, "Meditation and Relaxation Techniques" that will be offered as a phone conference series.  You call in, and I'll teach you simple meditation and the deep-breathing based techniques of abdominal breathing and visualization by phone.  It takes ongoing practice to learn these.  As a start, I'll offer 2 series of 3 1-hour classes, one from 7-8 am, and one from 8-9 pm, on Thursdays, February 19, 26, and March 5, 2009.  Read the details here: Download Meditation Classes Flyer.

My experience teaching these techniques is that some prefer to learn them in the privacy of their own homes, offices or other location, without having others next to them peering at them with their eyes open.  If that describes you, these are ideal.  They're also ideal if you want to do this at convenient times, want ongoing instruction, and to be able to fall asleep after doing this (not during it, of course).   

Please join me in this new venture which could open many possibilities for you.  Enrollment takes 2 steps:  payment and registration.  You can do that on this blog.  Simply look UNDER MY PHOTO for "MEDITATION SEMINARS."  Under that, please click on "PAYPAL BUTTON" and "REGISTRATION FORM."  After you pay and register, you'll get confirmation and dial-in instruction emails from me.  I look forward to helping you really learn how to relax!

Meditation: Quieting a Chaotic Mind

The mind can be chaotic.  Most people can't shut it off.  Some, including me, are "mind" types:  bright people who think - a lot.  My mind goes incessantly.  Some mind types obsess and ruminate constantly about the same thoughts.  I find this maddening.  The only thing that helps me is meditation.  Sitting quietly.  Focusing on my breath going in and out, allowing my thoughts to fall away.  Some think meditation should clear the mind of thoughts.  Not true.  It's a way to be present without getting lost in, or controlled by, your thoughts.

Obsessive thinking and worry can be a way to calm anxieties, to avoid difficult feelings.  Overly thinking a problem to solve it creates a sense of having control over it.  While problem resolution requires thinking, when it becomes obsessive it becomes a problem in itself.  This is especially true for controlling people.  They have difficulty feeling powerless.  Overly thinking something  submerges the powerlessness and gives a false sense of safety.  But worry never solves problems.  It only creates more anxiety.  Hence, the need for meditation.  It breaks this cycle and gives the mind a break.  And it creates real safety, because the stillness that occurs within reminds you that everything is going to be OK.

For some, though, stillness is scary.  Why?  Inner quiet allows emotions to surface.  With difficult emotions comes the urge to squash them by getting busy.  Of course drugs and alcohol create the same effect.  For some people, "busyness" is their addiction.  In fact they say, "Meditation isn't for me.  I can't sit still."  In truth, they're avoiding the anger, sadness, fear, disappointment, etc., that surfaces when they sit still.  This isn't conscious.  But it's useful to become aware of.  So meditating means learning to be OK with your emotions no matter what they are.  It's in this acceptance that calmness truly occurs.

I've had a tough week with lots of major decisions to make.  So I've been meditating a lot.  Before breakfast on my terrace, and in moments when decisions need to be made.  It calms me, and allows me to feel my feelings.  This then tells me what to decide.  Magic.  If any of this describes you, try meditating.  Just sit quietly, breathe in to the word "one," and out to the word "two."  Over and over.  If a thought pops up, acknowledge it in your mind, and then bring your focus back to the counting.  It's very simple.  And it's a great step toward cultivating stillness within your chaos. 

Components of Meditation and Relaxation Techniques - #2) A Comfortable Position

   Download AbdominalBreathingPodcast.mp3

This is post #2 on 4 Necessary Components of Meditation and deep-breathing Relaxation Techniques (RT’s). (Without all four just do your best.) They are:

1) A quiet environment
2) A COMFORTABLE POSITION
3) An object on which to focus
4) A passive attitude

A Comfortable Position??
This may seem ridiculously obvious – of course you want to be comfortable if you’re trying to relax. But the position you’re in and your degree of comfort make a difference. Remember: the goal is to be comfortable, but not so much that you fall asleep. Here are the basics:

Get Physically Comfortable
If you can, wear comfortable, loose clothes. Remove eye glasses, shoes, dangling jewelry, and loosen tight belts. If you’re at work, just do your best with this.

Stay Awake During Practice
As a rule, meditation and RT’s are done during the day – morning and early evening are ideal, but do whatever works for you. The intention is to stay awake and alert, though deeply relaxed. With that said: if you have trouble falling asleep, doing deep abdominal breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation in bed can help. But generally pick a time of day and physical position which are conducive to staying awake. Lying down to do RT’s when you’re chronically fatigued will probably put you to sleep. It’s much better to sit up.

When Sitting
Meditation is best done sitting. If in a chair, use a straight-backed chair and put the small of your back against the back of the chair. Sit straight without slouching, but not rigid. Keep your head up. Imagine a string attached to the top of your head pulling you up to the ceiling. Uncross your legs, put your feet flat on the floor, and let your uncrossed hands rest in your lap or at your sides. Allow your body to be open. I personally avoid recliners (too comfortable), and chairs with high backs. If you can lean your head against it, you’ll more likely nod off.

If sitting on the floor sit cross-legged with your hands at your sides or in your lap, on a pillow if needed. Meditation centers sell very firm meditation pillows on which to either sit or sort of squat on, where the pillow is under you sideways and you’re sitting on your knees a bit higher up. These work really well and help keep your back straight. (I have one of these. In the days when you could actually take luggage onto a plane for free, I took it with me when I traveled. It made for a great conversation piece with the flight attendants.)

When Lying Down
Again, use caution here – avoid falling asleep. It’s best to use a not-too-comfortable surface. Use a floor with a rug and a small pillow under your head if needed. Or use a yoga mat. Beds and cushy couches cause sleepiness.

When Standing Up
Standing up, you say? How would that be comfortable? Well, in stressful situations when you’re standing, RT’s can come in handy. Just stand straight on both feet equally, and breathe deeply. Keep your eyes open or closed depending on the circumstance. Try this when you want to strangle the slow clerk at the check-out counter. Or at the podium right before you have to give a speech. No one will even know you’re doing it.

Components of Meditation and Relaxation Techniques – #1) A Quiet Environment

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ve tried the posted Abdominal Breathing podcast:

Download AbdominalBreathingPodcast.mp3

To help you do it better, I’ll describe 4 components necessary for successful practice of meditation and deep breathing based relaxation techniques, beginning in this article with #1. If you can’t have all four, do your best and practice anyway. They are:

1) A quiet environment
2) A comfortable position
3) An object on which to focus
4) A passive attitude

A Quiet Environment
Ideally:
It’s best to practice in a quiet environment without distractions. Disconnect or turn off pagers and phones. Let calls go into voice mail. Dim the lights. Put up a “Do Not Disturb” sign or let people know you’re taking a 10-20 minute break. This requires cultivating the attitude that “I’m entitled to quiet, down time for myself.” Do you actually believe this? If so, it’s easier to set aside the time. If not, suffer through the guilt. It will eventually disappear.
Not Ideally:
If you meditate at work and can’t turn off your gadgets, find an alone spot and do it anyway. Chances are the phone won’t ring. If it does try again later.

Where do I meditate?
Ideally:
Have a place at home and at work. At home create a comfortable space – a quiet room, a chair, a pillow on the floor. Use the same space consistently. Keep it clean and comfortable – conducive to relaxing. At work, find a room where you can be alone – your office, an on-call room. Many hospitals have a chapel or meditation room – GREAT places to disappear to.
Not ideally:
At home, use whatever space is available – including the basement or bathroom. Whatever works. At work do the same. Use a bathroom if it’s your only option. Pick a well-hidden single stall one, or a multiple stall one where people can come and go and not bother you.

Other Options:
Sit in your parked car if you feel safe. I’ve meditated in many well-lit parking lots. During lunch spend 15 minutes there, and go back in to eat. Trains and buses also work, but aren’t as quiet. With practice you’ll tune out the noise. But you might set an alarm in case you fall asleep so you won’t miss your stop!

Please comment – share suggestions, where you’ve meditated and how you made it work. Thanks!

Relaxation Techniques and Meditation - Why Bother? WITH PODCAST

 Link here and at end to RELAXATION TECHNIQUE PODCAST:

Download AbdominalBreathingPodcast.mp3

Relax, or Relaaax??
Have you ever done meditation or similar relaxation techniques (RT’s)? My audiences respond to this question with: “Yes, I exercise, watch TV and relax, read a book, etc.” These activities may be relaxing, but are not RT’s. RT’s include things like abdominal breathing, meditation, and visualization. They are deep breathing-based, and provide an object of focus. They’re an integral part of STRESS MANAGEMENT programs. Like physical exercise, they require practice, discipline, scheduling, and once you overcome your initial resistance you look forward to them, and eventually can’t imagine how you’ve lived without them.

Deep Relaxation vs. Sleep
RT’s put you into a unique physiological state. Purposeful slow, deep breathing while focusing on a word, phrase or image – while awake and alert – creates deep relaxation in the body. Alpha brain waves cause this sensation. This is unlike sleep where the brain is in theta and then delta brain waves, and during RT’s there’s a much greater decrease of oxygen consumption than in sleep. With RT’s the body slow down, and healing can occur. Why is this important?

It has to do with the "fight or flight" response. Human beings are designed to gear up physiologically to respond to danger, and relax once the threat is over. A caveman, in his day, who sees an approaching tiger either runs or tries to kill it. To react, his breathing, blood pressure, and heart rates rise, cortisol and glucose are released, his muscles contract and his vision becomes acute. With escape or a dead tiger his body slows – metabolism, blood pressure, heart and respiratory rates decrease. He calms down, recovers and bodily functions return to normal. Today’s “threats” are chronic – traffic jams, difficult colleagues, troubled marriages, endless work hours. The body, not knowing the difference, still prepares for the tiger, but doesn’t rebound into relaxation. The result is hypertension, heart disease, backaches, resentments, chronic frustration, etc.

Relaxation techniques to the rescue!
By taking a break during a stressful day or event and doing a RT or meditation, your body gets its chance to revert to normal. This does not occur anywhere nearly to this degree by simply watching TV or reading. It requires a concerted effort and special techniques to achieve this deep level of relaxation. Think of it this way: regarding physical exercise, cavemen did a lot of it just to survive a day, and didn’t need to go to the gym. Today our sedentary lifestyles create a need to set aside time to work out and actually exercise. The same is true with RT’s. Because we no longer have much down time, and we’re multi-tasking, stressed and physically ill, we now need to set aside time to physiologically, deeply relax. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

PODCAST
Once again, here is a PODCAST with an 11-minute relaxation technique called ABDOMINAL BREATHING. Try it, and visit this site often to do it, to get some R&R during your work day or at home. Please write a response and let me know what you think of it.

Download AbdominalBreathingPodcast.mp3